naptime at the dreyer house</p>

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carrots, celery & v8 for breakfast.....yum.

We've cracked... it's dinner time (almost) on day 1, and we've cracked and decided to have a real dinner!  I think the next few days will be better - we're not going to give up entirely.  I can barely stomach the soup - it's awful! Dave loves it, but I think it's terrible!  So I've had nothing to eat since 9am but fruit. Oranges and apples and kiwi and strawberrys and grapes, but fruit just doesn't fill you up! 

Vegatable day tomorrow will be better I think - vegatables have some substanance to them, and will fill us up!

Tomorrow Dave and I will begin a one week diet which I'm sure will be pure hell. I will be logging my process, just to keep myself accountable!  Dave will probably lose a ton of weight and waste away to an ethiopian child... but he's doing it for moral support, cause he's the best husband ever.

Today we will be dining on a valentines feast of Sushi... and eating the rest of the junk in the house so there's no temptation over the next week!

Here's the soup recipe:

Cabbage Soup Recipe

• 6 large green onions
• 2 green peppers
• 1 or 2 cans of tomatoes (diced or whole)
• 3 Carrots
• 1 Container (10 oz. or so) Mushrooms
• 1 bunch of celery
• half a head of cabbage
• 1 package Lipton soup mix
• 1 or 2 cubes of bouillon (optional)
• 1 48oz can V8 juice (optional)
• Season to taste with salt, pepper, parsley, curry, garlic powder, etc.

And the website if anyone wants to be brave and join Dave and I through our week of hell:

http://www.cabbage-soup-diet.com/index.php

Wish me luck!

As I was trolling around my celebrity gossip sites today, I noticed a pattern. Apology statements being made after someone has made a joke or a remark, and in doing so has unleashed the riots!

Nigel Lithgow made a remark about ``brokeback ballroom``.  Clay Aiken said that Adam Lambert made his ears bleed.  Sure, some people would be offended by these things... who cares? They`re entitled to their own opinion, and should have every right to express it.  And just because they apologize for it, doesn`t mean they take it back. 

Are we supposed to believe that Mel Gibson loves Jewish people now just because he apologized for what he said? Or that Kramer guy loves black people?   Ok, they apologize, but they still feel that way.  Do Jewish people everywhere sleep a little better at night because Mel Gibson apologized? He still hates them all, but apparently they don`t care about that, because he said he was sorry?.... rriiiiggghhhtt.......  Is Kramer a changed man now and no longer has racist feelings becuase he was essentially forced to say he was sorry?  No! He`s just going to watch his mouth now.

Sure the things they said sucked, but they were allowed to have their own opinions and beliefs and are fortunate enough to live in a part of the world where they are supposed to be able to express themselves freely.  And what is the point of protesting and all this against these people for making these comments? 

Personally, I thought the Brokeback Ballroom remark was rather clever!  Having said that... I loved Brokeback Mountain (the first time i watched that movie was in a theatre with my mom...the movie was fantastic, but I`ve got to admit, watching gay cowboy sex on a big screen with mom was slightly uncomfortable!) I love `So You Think You Can Dance`, and I have no issues with homosexuality.  But I thouht that comment was funny.  And even if I didn`t, he`s allowed to say that!  And I loved Adam Lambert, and don`t care for Clay Aiken...but I`m not outraged that he made a comment about his bleeding ears...

These people, groups, GLAAD... who flip out everytime someone says something slightly offensive, Calm down!! Who cares!! Let people say what they want, or move to the middle east where you can censor whatever you want!!

Just my thought for the day!

We've been home for  a week now, and I'm still not readjusted! Cuba was fantastic, so relaxing and such a beautiful place.

We stayed at the Paradisus Rio De Oro (which means Golden River - thank you Henry!), which was a 5 star adults only resort. It was the most incredible place I've ever seen!

The most surprising thing I think about Cuba, was the people. They are so poor, and they have next to nothing. They live in crumbling shacks with no roofs, but they are the happiest people I've ever met! They seem to not be concerned with their situation at all, they just love life. It's really refreshing to see.  They are greatful for even the smallest gift.  It's such a different way of life, and I think we could all learn alot from them.  We have more than enough here, we all have more than we really need, and people are misreable and stressed and nasty.  They have nothing, but are so happy and content with life. 

We met a  guy who worked at the resort who was telling us that the only way he can get shoes is if people bring them to him. He has size 12 feet, which is unusual for a Cuban, and he can't find shoes to buy there.  Such simple things that we don't even think about. We left alot of things for the people there, clothes, shoes, everything we wouldn't miss or couldn't repurchase easily when we got home, we left.  It's such a small thing, but they are so greatful.

We made a friend in our tour guide. He's our age, and such a nice guy. He and his wife are expecting a  baby in May, so I'm sending them over some care packages (as soon as I figure out how!). He said baby items are really difficult to find.  Again, such a simple thing to us, we take it for granted.

It was a fantastic trip, just what we needed. We're already planning our next trip back, although it won't be for awhile.  But we'll definately be going back.

Day 2 - bitchines has been replaced by tears!  Although I'm not entirely sure it's the hormones, and not just me. I've realized it's difficult going through this almost alone, with only Dave for support....

Day 1 of Clomiphene - side effects are instant!  Naseua, hot flashes, teeny tiny little bit of moodiness (although I'm sure Dave would say - major bitchiness!)

Hope it's worth it!

Had my surgery yesterday. It was the longest day ever, lots of waiting around, very uncomfortable, and long long day.

They went in with the scope, found my overies were both polycystic.  They drilled both overies, which is supposed to help stimulate ovulation or something like that. They flushed alot of gunk out of my tubes. (I'm pretty sure the surgeon did use the word 'gunk'...) and just did some other poking around. 

Very sore today, but still made it to both jobs.  Moving very slowly, but I'm a trooper!

The drilling is supposed to increase my odds of conceiving by 60%. I like those numbers! The doctor said she suspects I may still have to take some fertility drugs just to further increase my odds. I was reading up on that this morning, and the type of fertility drug most often used for polycystic problems, generally produces multiple births. I know most fertility drugs do increase those chances, but apparently this one is almost a gaurentee that I'll have more than one baby! I have yet to let Dave in on this little bit of info.... I assume it might shake him up a little bit! But I figure the more babies the better!!!

I've been debating with myself for awhile now whether or not to write a post about what's going on in my life right now. It is a fairly private matter, and alot of people would chose to keep it to themselves, which is why I've waited this long.  I find writing about things helps me get a good perspective on it, and putting my thoughts down on paper (or on a screen) helps me to keep things straight in my head.

This Thursday I'm going in for surgery... the surgery is nothing major, the cause of it however, is the biggest thing in my life right now.  I've known for years that pregnancy was not going to be an easy option for me, but I always just kind of put it off, because it wasn't the right time for a baby anyways. I always thought I would just deal with it later. Well, later is now here.  

Both Dave and I have been in for some testing, and unfortunately there have been no problems.  I know that no problems should be a good thing, but it's not. If there are no problems, then why don't I have a baby yet? There must be a problem, we've been trying for a few years.  So Thursday we take the next step, and I'm going in for a scope and a few other things. I'm praying they find something, and whatever it is, it's fixable.

This whole process has been very frustrating, and very emotional, and very difficult.  I take it especially hard now when I see other people having babies. Not all people though.  Our dear friend George at my work, his wife is about to pop any day now, and I'm super happy for them. They've been married a few years, they're settled, they're responsible adults and they are more than ready for this. I don't know if the baby was planned in that case, or just happened, but either way, I feel nothing but excitiment and happiness for them.    However when I see or hear of other people having babies, people who didn't plan it, people who aren't responsible, people who aren't ready for it... it hurts alot. People having abortions, simply because they weren't smart enough to use protection and don't want to deal with the consequences of their actions, that just kills me.  People killing babies when I would kill for one.  And how many 16 year old girls do I see every day pushing strollers down dundas street? How is that fair?  And I apologize if I offend anyone with those thoughts, that's not my intention.  My thoughts are all about me right now, and that may be selfish, but that's what I need to do to survive this.

I recognize that I am not being entirely sensible about this, and irrational, and completely emotional.... but I'm entitled! The way I look at it, the purpose of my exsistance is in question, and right now, nothing else matters.

Anyways, that's my life right now.